Soarin' Across America Review: A Beautiful Ride That Forgot to Fly

TL;DR

• Score: ★★★☆☆ (3 / 5). A gorgeous ride that forgot to fly.
• Still great: Captain Patrick's pre-show and the Kennedy Space Center launch.
• The letdown: almost no sense of motion, choppy pacing, a flattened score.
• Who it's for: first-time Soarin' riders will enjoy it; franchise diehards should temper expectations.
• Watch it as: a nice movie about flying, not the flight itself.

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I'll say it up front so you know where I'm coming from: Soarin' is a top-three ride for me, all time. The original Soarin' Over California is one of the great attractions Disney has ever built, and Soarin' Around the World mostly held onto what made it special. So I went into Soarin' Across America wanting to love it. I didn't. It's fine. That's about the highest bar it clears, and for a ride in this lineage, "fine" is a letdown.

What still works

Two things carry over untouched, and they're both great.

The pre-show is still Patrick Warburton, and it's still perfect. Better, even: they did the one thing I didn't know I wanted and gave the man a promotion. After years as Chief Flight Attendant Patrick, he's been bumped up to Captain Patrick, and the new footage opens with him welcoming you aboard your "Semiquincentennial flight" (the ride's nod to America's 250th). Then, and this is the part that got me, present-day Captain Patrick tells you there's a "handsome young devil" with some safety information for you, and it cuts straight to the classic clip: his younger self, running the exact spiel we've all had memorized for a decade. Using the promotion to hand off to his own past self is such a good bit, and it means you still get the comfort-food original. Whoever made that call understood the assignment. That video is iconic, it always will be, and there is no version of Soarin' that Patrick doesn't improve. Do not touch it. Ever.

And the opening is a real high point. The ride starts at the Kennedy Space Center, and even though the whole thing leans hard on CGI, this is the one scene where that works in its favor. A rocket launch is exactly the kind of moment that earns a big, digital, larger-than-life treatment. As an intro it sets the right tone and got me excited for the rest of the flight.

Where it loses the thread

That excitement didn't last, and I think I can put my finger on why.

The whole appeal of Soarin' is the sensation, the way the seats swing you out over a landscape and your stomach goes along for the ride. On Across America, that motion is barely there. Scene after scene, the hang glider felt like it was hovering in place while a movie played in front of me. And the movie kept cutting away too fast. Instead of settling into a landscape long enough to feel like I was flying through it, I got a quick shot, then another, then another. It plays like a highlight reel, not a flight.

You still get the sweeping views, this time all across the United States instead of the world, and some of them are beautiful. But beauty isn't the whole job. The original made you feel like you were there, low and fast and a little bit weightless. This one felt like watching America go by on a very nice screen.

The music is the other quiet casualty. Jerry Goldsmith's original score does an enormous amount of work; it's half of why the ride lands emotionally. Here it feels dulled and flattened, less present than either the California or Around the World versions. When the visuals aren't carrying the thrill and the score isn't lifting them either, you're left with pretty footage and not much underneath it.

The verdict

I wanted to walk out of Soarin' Across America the way I walk out of the original, grinning and ready to line up again. Instead I walked out thinking about everything it didn't do. The bones are still here: the ride system is proven, the safety video is untouchable, and the Kennedy Space Center opening proves the team can still nail a scene when the material fits. But the sense of motion, the pacing, and the music all came up short, and those three are exactly what turn nice scenery into an actual flight.

If you've never ridden a Soarin', you'll probably still have a good time. If Soarin' is a top-three ride for you like it is for me, temper your expectations. This one is a movie about flying, not the flight itself.

Rating: ★★★☆☆ (3 / 5). Fine. And for a Soarin', fine is the letdown.

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